The Questions l Ask Myself
'There have been so many questions in my brain and there have been many days when all I wanted was to pull the duvet over my head,' says Kate.
Did the tapas bar booking tip off the abductor?
Although not usual, the receptionist at the holiday resort let Kate and friends book the tapas restaurant near their apartments for the week ahead. Kate noticed in police reports that the receptionist had left a note at the pool reception explaining she'd let them do so because they were leaving their kids sleeping alone in nearby apartments. When she saw the note, Kate was horrified as It was accessible to staff, guests and visitors to the complex, and obviously a risk'.
Who is this man?
'My friend Jane noticed a man carrying a child a few minutes' walk from our apartment the night Madeleine disappeared. A family from Ireland saw him too and all had noticed, despite the chilly night, that the child was barefoot, not covered in a blanket and the man looked as if he was not used to carrying a child.' Kate points out that if he was an innocent father, surely he would have come forward to be eliminated from the investigations.
Why did we leave the kids alone?
The listening service at the resort involved staff periodically checking on sleeping children by standing outside their doors. Kate and her friends chose to leave their children alone, but go one better and check them themselves. This is a decision they 'now bitterly regret and will do so until the end of our days'.
Was Madeleine drugged?
'The day she went missing, Madeleine was pale and tired and asked me to carry her from the pool back to the apartment,' says Kate. 'It was odd as usually she has loads of energy.' Was her daughter tired from holiday activities or had she been given something during that day - or the previous night - to make her sleepy? einforcing Kate's fears is the fact that despite the chaos, lights and screaming that went on after their sister's disappearance was discovered, the twins slept soundly on. Were they drugged too?
Was someone in the room the night before?
The day before she went missing Madeleine asked why her parents hadn't come to
them when she and Sean had cried in the middle of the night. 'I'm haunted by those words,' says Kate. 'I'm convinced someone was in their room to wake them and blame myself for not sitting down with Madeleine and drawing more information out of her.'
Why did we become suspects?
Kate and Gerry became suspects in September 2007 and were not cleared till 10 months later. Kate was incensed that while the police focused on them, the man she thinks took Madeleine was free. 'He was probably smiling and thinking: 'Keep blaming the parents and I'll keep on taking children."
What was the stain on Madeleine's top?
'I didn't think of it at the time but the day Madeleine disappeared I noticed what I thought was a tea stain on her Disney pyjama top,' she says. 'I washed it without thinking but looking back, the children hadnt drunk any tea that day and I can't remember her mentioning that she'd spilt anything.'
Does she miss her Cuddle Cat?
'Madeleine's favourite toy, Cuddle Cat, goes everywhere with me now! And when Sean or Amelie have lost their own toys, they always ask to borrow it.'http://www.mccannfiles.com/id232.html